Co-workers that are incredibly Annoying

No matter what, I think we can all come to terms that, in general, people just sometimes really piss you off.  How?  Annoying the hell out of you by doing stupid stuff, that’s how.  I don’t care who you are or where you work, ALL of you out there know there’s that one person (or people maybe, hah!) at work you’d love to punch in the mouth.  Between the stupid stuff he or she says, HOW it’s said, and the kajillion bad habits people have, it’s a wonder any of us get a damned thing done.  So what are some of your best gripes, rants, or “triggers”?  I’ll give you a few of mine–if you want to keep reading.  If you don’t, I could care less.  Someone else more annoying will take your time slot in my day, so don’t kid yourself.

Let’s start with hygiene.  Is it really hard to not bring food into my work zone and not spread crumbs all over the floor…or worse yet, my desk?  Really?  Is this how you eat at home?  Probably. Maybe you try to eat healthy, or try a weight loss supplement for this.  Why bother trying to train someone beyond the teething stage one semblance of table manners.  Hopeless.  What’s worse, is the same fatty that comes by eating Cheetos like a fiend, will undoubtedly return to his (yes, him, male–we all know the male obsession with Cheetos) desk and start banging on his keyboard with greasy, cheese-laden paws.  Gross.  I’d rather lick a toilet seat than use someone else’s keyboard and/or mouse–let alone allow someone to touch mine.  GTFO.

Oh, and by the way…..clip your booger-encrusted finger nails at home.  I don’t need to feel like I’m guarding my drink from being rufied at the bar while seated at my desk, worrying whether your skanky DNA shards will fall into my water cup.  Get real.  Do that crap at home, freak.  Also, as if hearing 10 clicks from your clippers isn’t enough–I best be damned sure not hear 20–sick!

Attention smokers and sweaty ogres: your latest installment of Polo, Chaps, Brut, Tommy Girl, Song, or whatever other skunk piss you adorn each trip outside is not attractive.  I don’t need to be seated, working quietly, chilling to Pandora with my earbuds in and know exactly when you walk in, in the morning…by the mere virtue of smelling your stinky ass stroll by.  Barf.  Do you realize it is not hot when others lose the capacity to respire when you’re around?  Sure, maybe smelling like an ashtray or meathead isn’t all that great, but neither is smelling like a failed chemical warfare experiment, either.  So disgusting.  If you really need that much on, maybe you need to swap soaps, get a loofa, or forbid–adopt a regularly scheduled shower schedule.

One last one…for now.  I’ll think of more of these after I hit “publish”, I’m certain.  Maybe annoying people will inspire another posting.  Whatever.

Gum popping.  Really?  What are you, 15?  This isn’t Valley High School and you’re waiting by your locker for Mike Oxlong to ask you to prom.  Get real–no one wants to hear your gum snapping, popping, ticking, clicking, or any other African Cave Cricket mating call coming from your jowl-wagging face.  Ugh.  Pop your gum?  You need to get your mouth popped.  Period.  End of discussion.  Don’t’ be a teenager; grow up and try to act like you are earning your wages paid.

OK.  Done (for now, at least).  I’ve said my piece.  You guys got any good annoyances exhibited by the people we spend more time with than our own families?  If not, is your employer hiring?

I don’t have much better to close with, so I’ll just follow the intro image theme and send you off with a good line from an epic flick.