Happy Un-birthday to ME!

If you haven’t a clue what movie the picture is from, piss off and quit reading right now.  If you do happen to know, then pull up a pint and see what you think.

My friend John and I work together as pit bosses. We decided to throw a fake birthday party for ourselves at a bar/club. At the time (three months ago) it was a completely hysterical idea as well as a good excuse for everyone to party, but now it’s coming up next week and I’m wondering if it was a bad idea.

We are not completely full of shit, because we are just calling it a “celebration” of our birthdays, and we won’t be having another for our real b-days. Soooo many people are really pumped up about it. On a scale of 1-10, how much of a douche bag does this make me? Some hottie is going to bake me a cake… I was like “NO!” but she insisted. Why do I feel like my life has become an episode of “I Love Lucy”?

Either way, I really don’t give a shit if this is the right thing to do or not.  I left etiquette lessons on the wayside, right next to my vessel of wet dreams (oh, wait, those aren’t gone)….but yeah, seriously.  I don’t really feel bad if the jailbait Applebee’s girls sing me happy birthday and I get a free hug/brownie.  It’s not really something I’m going to lose sleep over.

Is it wrong to take advantage of a factoid?  Shut the F up.  You know you have.  Fake ID.  9 inches instead of 7.  32D instead of 36B.  Whatever the case.  All I’m caring about is getting free cake, being an attention whore, and gods forbid, a free squeeze without regret.

‘Till next time, eat me.

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